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Home arrow Articles arrow Recent Articles arrow 2008 Jan-Mar arrow Parents for Sale - Cheap!
Parents for Sale - Cheap! PDF Print E-mail
Written by Steven Cuffle   
Monday, 23 August 2010
Your father and your mother are not cool.  That’s a simple fact, and nothing in the world can change it.  Let’s talk about some of the reasons why our parents just don’t get it, why they don’t understand, and why it is they just can’t learn to relax and let us do whatever it is that we want.

The first problem is that parents love us.  They love us way too much, to be honest.  There is an unwritten rule of coolness which states that you can’t love each other.  Love watches out for other people’s best interest, and that’s really the last thing we want when we hang out with our friends.  If we were going to love our friends, there are some pretty funny things we would have to stop doing.  We’d have to stop pointing at them and laughing when they made silly mistakes.  We would have to stop telling mean jokes about them behind their backs.  We would have to stop lying about them to other people to make ourselves look better.  We would have to stand up to other people and defend our friends, in public, when others were doing these things to them.  We would have to buy their lunch for them when they forgot to bring money to school.  We would have to care deeply about their personal problems and actually pay attention to them when they were talking to us.  Not cool at all.

You see, the problem with parents is that they don’t point at us and laugh when we make mistakes.  They have the audacity to try and help us, to teach us so that we don’t fall in the future.  They don’t talk about us behind our backs or tear us down in front of other people to build themselves up.  They have the impudence to be deeply concerned about the things that are affecting our lives, and then (can you believe it!?!) the boldness to actually offer caring, heartfelt advice that could improve our situation.  Parents just aren’t cool like the other people we know.

The second problem with parents is that they are too focused on the future.  Coolness is happening now, and everyone who is anyone clearly knows that.  Other people that we know are getting involved in things that give them pleasure now.  Drugs and alcohol are great at this.  They make us feel good almost right away, it takes no work, and we can repeat the process nearly anytime we want.  Sure it may take more and more each time, and it might use up all our money, but surely it’s all worth it.  When we’re with our friends who understand us, they always help us make great choices for right now.  If I steal something, I can get it right now.  If I lie to my friends, parents and family, I can get what I want right now.  If I spend all the money I get right away, I can enjoy it now.  If I don’t do my homework and slack off at school, I can enjoy my free time now.

It’s a wonder that our parents don’t see or understand these things!  They’re always talking about responsibility and how my choices now affect my future.  One time, my parents told me that if I didn’t take my school work seriously I wouldn’t graduate or get into college.  Another time, they told me that if I saved my money I would be able to afford the more expensive things that I wanted.  Parents are always worried about things like our reputations, too.  They think that if I get in trouble with the law for stealing or doing drugs, that it might negatively affect my future.  Don’t they realize how popular I would become if everyone saw me hauled off in a cop car from school?  That would be awesome!  Don’t they realize that all my friends would totally freak out if they saw the sleeve tattoos that I want to get?  If everyone thinks this way now, surely they will always think so, and employers will take one look at my arrest record and sweet tats and instantly give me any job I want.  You see, the problem with parents is that they’re always trying to think about my future and making it as good as it could possibly be.  They just don’t understand that all I want to live for is right now.  Doesn’t that sound reasonable?

A final problem with parents is their moral snobbery.  They talk about right and wrong.  They talk about avoiding sin and the ways that I can overcome temptation.  Hello?!?  How lame!  Didn’t they get the memo?  You don’t talk to people about right and wrong.  You never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever call someone out for doing something that you don’t agree with.  It’s their life, their choice and they can do what they want.  I can’t believe they don’t know that you’re just supposed to keep quiet when you see something wrong; no one expects you to say anything about it, so you shouldn’t!  Besides, if we start trying to watch out for people and protect them from bad choices, it might look like we cared about them.  Then we’re all the way back to the first problem: loving people like God loves them simply isn’t cool.

So that’s pretty much all I have to say about your parents.  They love you more than anyone else you will ever meet.  Lame.  They want you to be successful in life and they will sacrifice just about anything to make sure that happens.  Dorky.  They try to help you make good decisions so you don’t mess your life up.  Man, are they losers!

On the offhand chance you couldn’t tell, this is a bitingly sarcastic bulletin article.  Young people (yes that means you) often don’t realize the wonderful gift they have from God in their parents and grandparents.  Parents have been instructed by God to teach you the way of righteousness.   They have been instructed to love you and care for you.  And they do.  They love you more than you will ever know, at least until you have children of your own.

All the people you hang out with every day, they don’t care about you.  They certainly don’t love you, at least not like your parents do.  They don’t want what is best for you.  They want what is best for them.  They will lie to you, cheat you, betray you, abandon you and do whatever else is best for them at the time being.  You parents will never do these things to you.  They love you.

Sometimes it’s difficult to understand why your parents do what they do or say what they say.  But give them the benefit of the doubt.  They have more experience and can see how certain decisions will affect you for the rest of your life.  If there is anyone who just doesn’t understand, young people, it’s you, not your parents.  The next time there is a disagreement and you think that your parents simply don’t understand your situation, give them the benefit of the doubt and trust them.  They aren’t perfect, but they have your best interest at heart and are doing what they think is best for you.  Listen to them.  Love them.  Obey them.

Nobody loves you like they do, and that makes them cool.  At least a little.
 
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